found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
