Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
