no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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