after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
