Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
