some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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