The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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