I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
