Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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