I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
