i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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