Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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