i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
