My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
