no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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