i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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