I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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