I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
