our cab driver is having phone sex.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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