He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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