Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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