did you get engaged???
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
