Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
