Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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