Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
