if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
