Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
