A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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