Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
