I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
