drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
