hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
