Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
