Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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