I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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