i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
