So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We have started to decorate penises.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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