he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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