It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
