I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize