Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
