You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
