You're my little dorito
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
