oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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