I need help removing her.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
