You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
