Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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