loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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