he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
