the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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