Sry I called you an 8
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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