I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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