do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
