either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
