Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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