I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize