i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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