whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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