so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize