just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
