My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
