We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
