I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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