i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
