We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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