I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize