Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
