Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
