i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize