too bad you live with your parents still
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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