This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
