dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
