he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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