I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
