if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
