why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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