Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
