i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
