I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
We smell like vodka and hangover
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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