Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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