Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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