you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
