i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize