Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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