he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
