Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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