My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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