I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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