you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
