you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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