if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't turn off my feet"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
