The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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