i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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