Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
