I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
