no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
