I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
